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Humorist Kevin Lawson is back in the helpful information business, and this time it's all about the dogs. "The Real Dog Owner's Survival Guide" goes beyond the basics of dog ownership and scratches the soft underbelly of our canine companions. From obedience training to bad breath to the great puppy dog eye manipulation, this collection of humor essays covers it all.

The Begging Game: How Dogs Convince Us to Hand Over the Snacks

You know, there's something utterly ridiculous about the way dogs beg. It's like they've cracked the code to human emotion, but instead of using it for world peace or to help us solve our existential crises, they use it to score a morsel of food. I mean, who needs a PhD in psychology when you have a dog with a penchant for the dramatic?

Picture this: you're sitting on the couch, minding your own business, maybe trying to enjoy a snack that you've earned after a long day of adulting. You've got your favorite chips, or maybe it's a slice of pizza, and just as you take that first glorious bite, you glance down and there it is—your dog, in the most theatrical begging position you've ever seen. It's like watching a Broadway audition, but instead of a hopeful actor, you have a golden retriever with the soulful eyes of a seasoned performer.

First, they drop to their front paws, stretching out as if they're about to do the downward dog yoga pose, but let's be honest, they're not exactly channeling their inner Zen. No, they're channeling their inner "I will melt your heart if it kills me." And then, oh, the eyes! Those big, pleading eyes that seem to say, "I haven't eaten in weeks, and if you don't share your pizza, I might just wither away into a sad little furball." It's a look that could make a stone statue crumble.