Journey of a Maturation Rollercoaster, Volume 1

Coming from a land of destitution, instilled a way of life where I was just went through the motions. I had no thought process behind my devious actions and was on a verge of either jail or death. Basketball was my only outlet. I was fortunate enough to be blessed with high skill in the sport, which ultimately kept me out of the streets and increased opportunities of achievement. At the same time, I was engulfed in my first real relationship my last year of Jr. high into high school with my first love. That experience became an addiction which led to us skipping school and me missing basketball practices, just to engage in sexual activity and be in each others presence. Still corrupted by my lack of responsibility and vision of the future, my first love luckily had those characteristics to guide me in the right direction. I applied to 1 college which was the college she got accepted to. Transitioning from the hood of Queens New York to a college upstate New York was a new experience which was overwhelmingly exciting. Possessed by lust cause me to have sexual interactions with many other girls with no consciousness of my first love. I was at a stage of partying with my friends, playing basketball and meeting new people. Our relationship ended but it didn't phase me yet. I transferred to a new college which was predominantly White in demographics. I didn't think I would fit in and was afraid of being myself. It took some time for me to realize I need to be comfortable with myself for me to meet new people and thrive in a new environment. With this confidence I started to meet new people with great perspectives and also started to attract people who were intrigued by my mindset. I changed my major to Therapeutic Recreation which exposed me to an accepting community other than my basketball team. I was in an outdoor education practicum where I learned the necessary skills to survive outdoors for 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks changed my life. I started to be more conscious of nature and developed empathy for others. I started to expand my horizon and learned how to be an advocate for others. During this time I stated to reflect upon my previous actions and how it affected others. I felt the need to accept my wrong doings and be at peace with myself. As I dived deep into my past I realized I couldn't reach this state of peace because I had so much resentment for my father who failed to be around. I fought this battle for a long duration but had to come to a stage of forgiveness. At the same time I needed my first love to forgive me for how I treated her. In order for that to happen, I had to forgive myself. With the positive mindset I've developed, it helped me get in touch with positive emotions, leading to the experience of genuine love. I decided to live my life in pure appreciation, advocate for equality/equity, and spread optimism to all.